Blue Wolf Reviews

Tag: relationship

  • When Will It Happen For Me?

    When Will It Happen For Me?

    A Shame-Free Guide to Finding Love On Your Own Timeline

    Finding love, the right partner, the lifelong friend is one of the most challenging things to achieve in the world of today, where the fast pace of life limits opportunity to meet and mingle with a diverse range of people.

    But what happens when you keep crashing your relationships, thinking or overthinking every nuance and blaming yourself every time the relationship ends.

    Pheobe Rogers a Clinical Psychologist specialising in Couples Therapy found herself in such a dilemma about failed relationships, she realised that perhaps she also needed therapy and began to research the most effective way to hopefully push her reset button.

    Discovering the self-love therapy Schema Therapy, which addresses deep emotional issues and teaches how to begin to unpack deeply held beliefs and emotional ‘roadblocks, she realised that by helping herself she was also helping her clients to form better, more enjoyable and successful relationships.

    In When Will It Happen For Me she shares her journey towards forming a happy and enjoyable relationship, looks at the many triggers that were holding her back and reaches out with understanding and compassion to anyone in need of a little help in discovering a fresh way forward.

    As she says, ‘Love is out there waiting for you’ and with the help, support and the commonsense to be found in When Will It Happen For Me it could be the helping hand you need to begin your journey towards finding the right person for you.

  • Anchored

    Anchored

    The author of the Picture Book Anchored understands the importance of attachment in a child’s life. Without that sense of belonging some children feel quite lost. This story is an attempt to reassure young people that absence doesn’t mean a loss of love.

     After viewing watercraft on harbourside walks, a little girl begins to see the similarity between tugs who usher ships out to sea, then welcome them back again. She has given the tug in this story a character, one who relates to the ships she tows.

    Once the ship has safely cleared the harbour, tug continues to work. She thinks constantly of ship, and wonders if ship thinks of her. She felt more unsure and more alert to danger when ship was away.

    Then one day she hears, “Boom, Boom, Boom,” and realises that ship has returned. She replies “Toot, Toot, Toot. Where have you been and what have you seen?” Ship tells her about the wonders of the tropics that she has sailed through.

    Ship also tells of the frightening seas that threatened to overwhelm her. When tug asks if ship was scared, she reassures tug by saying that she was afraid, but thinking of tug made her brave. After working together and spending time together again, tug realises that she is “Anchored in ship’s heart.”

  • Moon Sugar

    Moon Sugar

    Moon Sugar is a somewhat intriguing tale wrapped around the world of experimental drugs, dependence and the insular nature of today’s societies. Mila is a forty-year-old personal trainer on the rebound from a failed relationship. Josh is a larger than life, incredibly good looking man who is financing his European trip by working as an escort.

    He and Mila took part in a secretive drug experiment which gave them both a much needed income source, which after six months seems to have failed, as neither of them has managed to go into an ‘altered state’ of emotion, which was the expectation of taking the lichen called Xanthoria.

    But when Kyle mysteriously disappear in Berlin, his death is listed as suicide, Mila, for one does not believe possible. His long time best friend Kyle, struggling with being newly divorced, and grieving for his friend, decides to carry on with the trip planned by both he and Josh. He is also far from convinced Josh is dead.

    This sets the scene for some interesting dialogue as Mila and Josh meet up in Berlin, both on the same quest, to find Josh and both struggling with a personal sense of isolation and despair.

    Angela Meyer has carefully crafted the character’s personalities so they fit seamlessly together as they all struggle to come to terms with the hand life has dished them and the irony of love, lust and companionship.

    Moving between, London, Belin and Australia the pace picks up part way through the book, as the many strange events and clues begin to form a pattern that is becoming somewhat terrifying, as well as dangerous.

     Involving the world of technology, experimental drugs and the idiosyncrasies of people, Meyer has opened a small window into the sad and often isolated world of so many as they seek to understand and relate to others.

    Challenging, confrontational in some aspects, quirky in others interestingly Moon Sugar is very difficult to simply leave once began. Certainly a novel of modern times Meyer shines a light into areas we, as a fast paced, careless society often refuse to confront.

  • Intimacy and Solitude

    Intimacy and Solitude

    Finding new closeness and self-trust in a distanced world

    Intimacy and Solitude was first published in 1991 to great acclaim; so much so that over the years it has been republished in 2002, 2014 and now in 2021, which has a considerable amount to say about the writings of Stephanie Dowrick and her understanding of the human psyche.

     Over the past two years the ravages of the pandemic have wreaked havoc on personal relationships, families and in so many a loss of self-esteem. So much has changed in a very short space of time. Families have had to learn to get along together, a first in many instances, relationships have changed, collapsed or gone on to become stronger. Change has and is occurring and it is how we learn to care for ourselves, to manage that change is going to make the difference as to how the future forms.

    Greif, uncertainty and serious doubt about the future of the world as we used to know it, is in many people’s foremost consciousness, along with the very necessary requirement of planning to provide for family and self-going forward.

    So much in Intimacy and Solitude forms the very basis of who we are and how we go forward with relationships, beginning with the most fundamental of all beginnings, learning to know who we are and how we care, or begin to learn to care about ourselves.

    Dowrick spent many years gathering the material for the book, telling her findings in a style that is comfortable and in the form of almost a story, carefully updating the reprints over the years to keep information current. Perhaps overall, one of the most important findings Dowrick offers is the fact that Intimacy and Solitude go very well together.

    She points out that even in the most closely knit relationships, the most important suspect of keeping both yourself and the relationship healthy is Solitude; the deep, almost primal need to spend time with self and only self.

    Dowrick encourages us to learn self-acceptance, compassion for ourselves and others and in doing so discover a new world of opportunities and insights to be able to make lasting positive change.

    Part one: Self: Is that who I am offers a wonderful little piece from Michael Leunig ‘Sitting on the Fence’ which captures the content of the book perfectly:

    ‘Come sit beside me’ I said to myself

    And although it doesn’t make sense, I held my own hand as a small sign of trust

    And together I sat on the fence.

  • Believe In Me

    Believe In Me

    The narrator in Believe in Me is Bethany or Bet. She has had a disruptive and difficult childhood and consequently at age 32 she has a great need to understand her recently deceased mother. If she can do this, then maybe she will understand herself. As she says, “If I can inhabit her consciousness, even a little, it might help me see who I am.” On reflection, this is an enormous task. Without help, most of us would be at a loss to understand the inner lives of our parents.

    Bet has help though, in the form of many scrap books that Sarah, her mother, kept all her life. Using these, and her memories, and some conversations Bet begins to clarify the reasons their life was such a struggle.

    She begins her mother’s story when Sarah was 18, (this was during the 70s.) She lived in a small town in upstate New York and belonged to a church with a strict moral code. This naïve young woman was chosen to accompany a pastor, who is going to bring Native American people to God. Within three days of her journey Sarah becomes pregnant to the pastor. Thus, Bet’s life begins.

    When Sarah’s mother discovered she is pregnant, she is sent to Australia where there are relatives and it is here that Bet is born. The life that Sarah and Bet lead is one steeped in loneliness and poverty. A nurse, Dora, helps them to settle and often cares for Bet when Sarah is away. As the story unravels several issues become clear. The love that Sarah has for Bet is always strong, and the social attitudes of the time have changed.

    Believe in Me is a fascinating look at three generations of a family and how we can never truly understand the motivations and inner thoughts of our parents.

  • Renovate Your Relationship All The DIY Tools You’ll Ever Need For Your Most Important Project

    Renovate Your Relationship All The DIY Tools You’ll Ever Need For Your Most Important Project

    Joanne Wilson is a relationship and pre-marriage therapist as well as a wife, mother, weekly columnist and  radio co-host  known to many for her practical advice on relationships, which have now been  encapsulated in her latest book  Renovate Your Relationship.

    During these difficult times, when relationships, new, old and somewhere in the middle, are often stretched to the limit, with help available at a great distance, Joanne Wilson decided to put her hard earned, in many respects, knowledge of relationship refreshing or in some cases rescue, into book form in the shape of an easy to read, easy to use, DIY Toolbox to help those in need before, during or after a relationship.

    Firmly believing she was destined to become relationship counsellor, as the fifth child born into a loving family she was a child who delighted in observing people; initially her parents and siblings set the standard for what she was to later consider the hallmark of excellent relationships. Her launch into the dating game came with some serious emotional upheavals; eventually she met the man she would marry and go on to build a strong and lasting relationship.

    Over many years she has honed her ability to help guide people through make-ups, break-ups or towards refreshing tired but loving relationships, with a very simple concept which she explains in full. The Ten Toolbox Topics, cover all aspects of relationships, initially by understanding what is understood or believed to be love, beginning with About Love, looking at Conflict, reviewing Parenting, and how to proceed Post Relationship for those who simply do not make it, and the final chapter Time For Actions On These Two Words.

    Well set out, with clearly defined subject areas, the recommendation is to read the entire book, rather than dip into whatever areas or area appears to be the trouble spot, as this is a full course on Refreshing Your Relationship. After the book has been read, many of the hard questions examined and answered, only then should it be time to return to the section considered the neediest for repair in the relationship.

    As with all Toolboxes there are a set of instructions included, which are best read before beginning the emotional task of refreshing or rebuilding your relationship, which can be found right at the beginning and labelled as How To Unpack this Toolbox. Do make sure you read them first!

    Endnotes is an absolute treasure trove of information for further reading, offered to help and  support relationship rejuvenation from a holistic and healthy basis of understanding, integrity and honesty.

  • HOW TO BREAK UP WITH FRIENDS

    HOW TO BREAK UP WITH FRIENDS

    From the beginning Hannah Korrel says she has written How To Break Up with Friends from a standpoint of a light-bulb moment when she realised at the tender age of thirty years, that friendship often equated to friendsh*t and something needed to be done about what consists of modern day expectations, what is truly considered as friendship and what in reality is nothing but people using people.

    Korrel says straight up that all friendship should be based on respect; with that come some standards, some expectations and should not be a one sided relationship that generally ends in hurt feelings or worse. Blunt observations of the human in full friendship mode is examined to discover what is and what is not considered as friendship or a friend, which in many instances can be confrontational, cathartic and let’s face, it rather sad.

    As readers we are encouraged to undertake the self-reflection sections presented throughout the book to help clarify some of the friendships in your life; to discover what or rather who is a true friend or who comes into the friendsh*t category, as well as why we consider the need to have so many friends in today’s world and are prepared to accept second and third best, let alone the occasional best, to stay in a toxic relationship.

    Case studies make very interesting and introspective reading, as within the context of the stories we see ourselves reflected back and cringe with the belated benefit of hindsight. They also provide some of those illusive answers that come under the avoidance tag, of questions we hesitate to ask of ourselves because perhaps we know the answers but are not prepared to accept what is plainly writ.

    Why Do We Put Up With This Crap or chapter 6, is an edifying chapter that looks at the mindsets that say, It’ll be my turn one day, that’s just the way it is, other people have it, why not me to name just a few, of which we a have all be guilty of thinking at some time or other when in a toxic friendship or relationship.

    Hannah Korrel is at great pains to point out this is not a short course in psychology, just a blunt, observant view, laced with a sometimes black sense of humour as well a standard humour, on what is considered as friendship and how to remove yourself from a friendsh*t, without feeling buckets of guilt.

    How to Break Up With Friends also helps understand the difference between good and bad friendships and physical and emotion impact they have on our lives. As the pages are turned and facts in nature of BS Bombs are revealed it also encourages you to consider what kind of friend you are; the very best of course, as you take the Notions to Wed yourself too, to heart and learn to always consider ‘good friends are worth their weight in gold for your health and happiness’.

     

  • The Spin Doctor’s Wife

    The Spin Doctor’s Wife

    Set in Sydney, this fast-paced modern-day story outlines problems and lifestyles that have become a familiar part of our world. The spin doctor was once a man ambitious to become a political journalist. Now he manipulates the truth and can put a positive spin on most things.  His wife is desperate to have a baby but has been told that her eggs are inferior. So, Laurie and Megan must come to an agreement for their future.

    Many of the discussions that evolve about this issue will be familiar to other people in this situation. The pressure to try to live a normal life while having to have sex on a certain day, having to have eggs harvested, collecting sperm for fertilization, and blood tests, is enormous. Relationships with others begin to change, and it is harder to relate to contemporaries of their own.

    Megan is seeing a therapist as she has a compulsive disorder, and Laurie is finding it harder and harder to relate to her. As the story unravels and we track the lives of Megan and Laurie, it becomes clear that something must alter. When Carla enters the story, a change in relationships begins. Carla is a singer, and Laurie gets her a job as a judge on a TV talent show. She is the quiet, intelligent voice of encouragement for the people auditioning. She is also unaware at first that Laurie is married.

    Each character has huge life changing decisions to make, and each one knows that to discover their potential and to fulfill their dreams, major changes are ahead. The Spin Doctors Wife is a very modern and thoughtful story of ordinary people pursuing their dreams.

     

  • The Long Road Home

    The Long Road Home

    Fiona McCallum is an expert at getting into the minds of her characters and teasing out emotional issues. She is not afraid to tackle subjects such as dysfunctional families, and the later life chaos they promote. She creates a journey by following the thoughts and emotions of her characters as they reach adult hood, and begin to understand, that without help and support their life is fraught.

    There are two main characters in The Long Road Home. Alice Hamilton has grown up with a narcissistic mother, and sadly her father committed suicide when she was quite young. Rick Peterson has grown up on a farm, never feeling like he belonged and being badly treated by his father. Their stories are inter-woven and when they meet, not surprisingly, they fall in love, eventually marrying, but find they cannot sustain a loving relationship.

    The issue of friendship is really emphasised in both Alice’s and Rick’s journey. Both of them are lucky enough to have met good and true friends who can pull them up when need be, or give them a shoulder to cry on. The patience which friendship promotes, helps with the ability to see life as it is rather than the reflection of misguided parenting advice. Alice eventually moves to Ballarat, where she is nurtured by good friends and the love of a small mutt as she settles into a life of her own.

    After the death of both his parents Rick reflects on his unhappiness growing up on the farm. He and his sisters are shocked to find that the farm won’t be passed down to him but will go to the girls who live elsewhere. He always had a sense of dislocation, and when he discovers his birth certificate, realises why. His vocation and hereditary are a far cry from the farm.

    The Long Road Home is quite an intense tale, with some unusual twists and although a stand-alone, continues on from McCallum’s recent best seller, A Life of Her Own. Many wise words are shared, with the struggle for both the characters showing that hard work by way of planning and rethinking your life can pay off.

  • Platform Seven

    Platform Seven

    Platform Seven is Louise Doughty’s ninth novel, a novel in which she delves into the darker side of human behaviour with emphasis on the psyche behind this behaviour. Platform Seven certainly continues this theme.

    Peterborough Railway station is an unremarkable place. There have been two suicides from the platform, eighteen months apart; thus, begins the story of Lisa Evans but who is Lisa Evans and what is keeping her trapped-on Platform Seven? How does she escape?

    Lisa was the first suicide: she has no memory of her life and how she ended up on the platform unable to escape, she only knows she has the ability to know what people are thinking. She knows what the elderly man stealthily entering the station is about to do.

    Try as she might Lisa cannot stop him from leaping to his death in front of a train. He is the second suicide. Somehow this liberates her and as her memory gradually returns, so too does her freedom.

    Describing herself as a ghostly form floating as consciousness Lisa reflects back on her life with fiancé, Matty, a doctor who is abusive and controlling, although that is not how he presents. With this comes intense pain as she recalls and realises how corrosive he was to her to her wellbeing.

    Lisa Doughty has once again presented a chilling exploration into the effects of toxic relationships, as she slowly, bit by bit reveals the tragedy that this creates, which in this case lead to Lisa being a nebulous, almost etheric form lingering on the Peterborough Station, neither of this world or the next.

    As Lisa’s story is revealed so to are the lives of the staff who work at the Station, bringing into stark focus the complexities of human relationships, which makes this rather unusual storyline work in spite of introduction of the ghostly element, which has been used as the vehicle to tie the plot together.

    For those who love to be chilled and thrilled in their reading, grab a copy.